Just Looking Around.

Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain, You like your girls insane.
Choose your last words, this is the last time, Cause you and I, we were born to die.

You clench your teeth. You look up. You tell yourself that if they see you cry, it will hurt them, and you will be nothing but A Sadness in their lives, and you must not become a mere sadness, so you will not cry, and you say all of this to yourself while looking up at the ceiling, and then you swallow even though your throat does not want to close and you look at the person who loves you and smile

I’m in love with you, and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying true things. I’m in love with you, and I know that love is just a shout into the void, and that oblivion is inevitable, and that we’re all doomed and that there will come a day when all our labor has been returned to dust, and I know the sun will swallow the only earth we’ll ever have, and I am in love with you.

Then you get a little bit older and you start falling in love, and people start falling in love with you. The second time you’ll experience that look is with your first real love. You’ll be lying in bed together and in the morning he will open his eyes a second before you open yours, and you will catch him with an expression on his face that tells you he just found a pirate’s bounty. That’s the point where you really know, you really, really know, that you’ll be able to tell everything you need about a man’s feelings from the way he looks at you. It’s when you’ll stop demanding frivolous gestures and “I love you,” because on the rare occasion you notice him looking at you like that, you know it’s all you’ll ever need.